|
The world through my eyes
|
|
|
Excuse me??
Click Play and Dance
archives
|
chapter forty two: me and them
do i look like a low life wanna be gangster to you??there are three important things that set me apart form these.. things.. one!! i have better fashion sense.. way better.. i dont dress the same as everyone else.. i dont wear jeans that are too tight around my ankles.. and i dont sit my caps on the crown of my head.. two!! i actually have a sense of respect for others.. those of the female gender especially.. i dont hit them.. i dont pretend to love them.. and i definately dont abuse them.. financially nor physically.. three!! i own a blog.. and you dont even know what to do with one.. all you fucktarts care about is how to find girls.. girls as cheap as you.. a taint in the society.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter forty one: shit happens.. deal with it
what the hell is going on with this thing??haiz.. forget it.. i'll do what i can with it.. ok so todae has been awesome.. exam was a breeze.. or so i think.. and i got to train.. learned new stuff.. hopes grew.. cheermyister, dont worry ayite.. shit will be fine.. i promise you.. everything will be alright.. ouhouh.. andand you messaged me first todae.. though it was to ask for help regarding your school work.. still... it made me smile.. do you see the effect you have on me?? nyahaha.. oh god im crazy.. but im lovin' it... p.s. i still do Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter forty: hustle and flow
the only thing that keeps me upwhen im feeling down.. is a shorty like mine.. why must everyone intervene?? why must anyone do it in the first place just go away ok?? leave us be.. please.. judge not that which is unknown.. form not false impressions on little knowledge.. speak not of profanities.. trust not words of doubt.. be not too critical.. so what if i look like one.. does it mean i am it?? i admit i am a little too friendly to other girls.. but doubt not in my heart.. only you can fill the huge space in my tiny heart.. only you because i love you.. not because i have to.. but because i just do.. everytime, i think of you.. wondering if you think of me too.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter thirty nine: sitting ducks
oh god!!im fucking screwed!! tomorrow is my first exam paper.. and i just found out.. ive not even started studying.. im done.. damn!! but hey.. apart from that hiccup in my dae.. im all good... couldnt ask for a better dae than todae... it was perfect... you are perfect love.. dont let others tell you different.. forever.. i-iv-iii chapter thirty eight: more than words
Saying 'I Love you' is not the words I want to hear from youIt's not that I want you not to say But if you only knew How easy it would be to show me how you feel More than words is all you have to do To make it real then you wouldn't have to say That you love me I'd already know What would you do if my heart was torn in two More than words to show you feel That your love for me is real What would you say if I took those words away Then you couldn't make things new Just by saying I love you More than words More than words Now I've tried to talk to you And make you understand all you have to do is close your eyes and just reach out your hands And touch me hold me close Don't ever let me go More than words is all I ever needed you to show Then you wouldn't have to say That you love 'cause I already know ok so it's established that that my original.. its a song by frankie j.. but hey.. im just saying what im feeling.. and baby.. i do love you.. more than you'd ever noe.. cause i have a funny wae of showing it.. todae i feel very strong.. because todae.. i have been weak.. in the eyes of our culture.. i am to be seen as weak, todae.. but i noe my insides better than anyone else.. i am supreme todae.. i miss my cousin and i love you.. these two feelings put together.. the tension of opposite feelings.. makes me whole.. balanced.. kinda like yin and yang thing.. one cannot survive while the other thrives.. ouh and just so you noe.. (this is to readers out there) missing does not equal love.. missing is this empty feeling loveing.. makes you whole.. yet they co-exist in perfect harmony.. each maintains yet sustaining the other.. beautiful aint it?? prayer: bean (my first love) i miss you bro.. yet i hate you for going to a better place.. what?? my love aint enough that you had to go back to god's?? i miss you.. too much todae.. rest in peace.. i love you.. to you: hey.. *smiles* i-iv-iii Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter thirty seven: shithead
im messing up again..oh god.. what am i doing.. im re-running the same damn course.. the one that leads me to internal hell!! i have to stop.. now!! this is stupid.. remember what you want.. and you ought to do well remembering.. IT IS WHAT YOU FUCKING HELL WANT FOR CHRIST SAKE!! GET A FUCKING GRIP FUCKTART!! aahhhh.. i feel better now.. beating myself up does wonders for me.. well then.. that would be all.. till we meet.. i love you Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies poetry in motion: teardrop
i wish i could call you in the dark of nightjust to hear the sleep in your voice to hear you speak with eyes squeezed tight i wish i could text you a message just to tell you how much i love you to tell you that i really do i wish i didnt have tears in my eyes, every night i lay awake thinking of you but im not telling because i know you dont want me to i wish i didnt have sorrow in my throat everytime i speak it burns deep seeming to implode i wish i had strength to stand on my own two feet but i dont i am nothing i am weak i wish i didnt write sad poems nor to ever dream them in sleep i wish never for this hollow to creep not my wings be clipped i wish i have you in the deep of nights to hold back my tears to hold my hand as i brace my fears to always hold you here always hold you near i wish i didnt have tears stain my cheek though i never lost you why does it feel like i already do?? Labels: cut throat suicide chapter thirty six: sweet valentine
be my valentine??i love you soo much.. i love you that it beats from my heart through my eyes.. *shrugs* im hopeless.. i admit it.. falling soo deep like this.. but hey!! its my choice.. so i aint complaining.. cause i love this.. really.. i do.. you are worth everything i have everything i had and everything i can be.. i love you.. for sure Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies poetry in motion: little miss c.
every night i lay awakemy mind bent, on thinking of you falling asleep, forever it seems to take.. a secret smile, remembering how your cheeks rise everytime you let a smile.. the sheen of gloss adding sparkle in your baby hazels.. your rose dabbed freckeled cheeks your soft curved chin hightening your quiet dimples.. every night i lay awake thinking of you wondering if you think of me too.. Labels: cut throat suicide chapter thirty five: and the point is??
hmm..life is so soooo hard.. so what!! get a grip yo.. i love my hair.. not the condition it is in.. that part still kinda suck... but i love the color.. and the length.. the glorious length.. i can do brads now.. it aint perfect yet.. but its enough to satisfy me.. just a few more months and its perfect.. jeez.. do you realize how much i miss you?? too much you'd sae.. well.. maybe you are right.. i am alittle obsessed.. but i cant help it... i'll try to control my emotions better.. i-iv-iii Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter thirty five: epiphany
i want to run into a wallnow dont get me wrong.. dont start judging me just yet.. im not having problems or anything.. i just wanna noe what it feels like.. imagine.. pornstar plus solid brick wall multiply that with my full running speed.. that would equal to.. A HELL LOT OF PAIN!! woohoo!! i like it.. *epiphany* i am a MASOCHIST i live for this.. to feel hurt.. and love it.. i cannot explain the gratification.. i just love love loooooove it!! that explains the cutting now dont it?? all the falling down.. dislocations.. internal tears.. bleeding.. bruising.. soo many of them.. soo often too.. thank you god.. for blessing me with this knowledge of deeper self.. i humbly bow to you.. i am nothing without your grace.. now if you want to judge me.. be my guest.. call me sick.. heck.. im just me.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter thirty four: say a little prayer
hey bean!!guess what.. im 20 now and you aint ever gonna be!! hah!! haiz.. bean.. i miss you soo much.. why did you have to go like that.. come back to me.. i love you.. i should have said this to you.. but im guessing you already knew right?? you alwaes knew stuff.. bean.. i love you.. and im alwaes missing you.. till we meet again dear cuz.. rest in peace Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter thirty three: you = kryptonite
chinggay was good...made awesome new friends.... i wont forget you girls.. wait.. i just realized... all of you are girls... i made friends with 9 girls.. and not realize it.. christ.. i really have gotten over it... my fasination and obsession over the opposite sex... yessa!! i did it... i never thought i could.. but i have... i have no need for girls anymore... and i can concentrate better on the ONE that matters.. actually.. to put it right.. i didnt really have a need for girls.. not since i met you anywae.. what i meant was.. i could make friends without seeming like im flirting.. though i seldom flirt.. people seem to think i alwaes do.. wierdos.... city alive was kinda dead.. the first part of it all was good.. well... ok-ok laa.. then towards the end.. it started getting crappy.. hip-hop fused with house music.. just messed up the whole bloody thing.. the wait after the party was the real damned part of the night though.. i had to wait hours for the first train service.. and that was the first time i lost my cool since i started doing my meditation.. i must have more practice with this thing.. self control and all.. you wanna noe sunthing?? sumtimes i feel like you love me right back.. other times... i feel the very opposite.. i love you the same either waes.. dont be so hard on me ok.. i am only soo weak.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies |