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The world through my eyes
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chapter thirty two: love story
LIFEit seems revolves around a singular pivot point.. one single do or die instance.. one chance.. to seize life by the horns.. and let the moment wash over your very existence.. to give you a purpose.. a life of self worth.. a life of purpose is the purpose of life in itself.. or.. you could let the moment pass.. and wish all your life the moment to come by again.. though knowing it never will.. to forever continue your search.. for an answer that is never known even the question.. a life of meaning, to forever be searching but never finding.. god is fair this wae.. destiny is set in the path you choose to take.. the future is never written in stone.. but written by one's own.. my story is told as it unfolds.. but one is certain.. no matter how foolish others may think i be.. i have found my point of pivot.. my anchor to solid ground.. my reach within the stars.. i have found you.. waiting for you to hold my hand.. so forever can begin.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter thirty one: whoo!!
phew!!what a dae... what a week rather... so i went to malaysia over the weekend.. a family holidae of sorts... though i never wanted to... i was a little glad i went along.. i had the chance to see a fairly decent beach in malaysia.. the sand was nice... powdery... though not white as the one in bintan.. it was nice.. and the sands stretched afew clicks to the side and foward before meeting the ocean.. it seemed to alwaes be low tide there... wierd... but the sea seemed to be endless... unlike in singapore.. i could see the edge of the horizon without seeing a bloody ship in my view.. there was one set back though... i didnt get to see any stars... there were afew strays... but never the millions that i expected... damn overcast clouds.. i didnt even see "sha" and i couldnt see "sirus" either.. not even "orion's belt".. major set back if i might correct myself... but all in all.. it was a good trip... me and father got people gawking in disbelief again... hah... the old fools... so backward in their minds and concepts... father.. we break all boundaries dont we?? with the flow of our conversations alone.. people stare and start questioning... im proud to call you my dad.. *whoo* well im happy todae.. i got soo many things that i want oreadi.. a diamond studded marc ecko watch being one if them... turning twenty suddenly seems soo good!! Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter thirty: Heart of The Rose
*smiles quietly to self*you noe, evil dude.. i really have to thank you.. for you have opened my eyes.. i have started to enjoy life.. and things seem to start turning good.. better at least.. though it is at a slow pace right now.. but slow is good right?? to let things take time to menifest into something good.. thank you.. i owe you one.. big time.. (though i dont noe if you read my blog to hear this) baby v.. todae i saw one of the most beautiful things in god's nature.. a glimpse of his brilliance.. todae.. i saw the rays of the sun filtering and breaking through heavy clouds... it was truly beautiful... the streaks of bright gray.. it was almost like i could see the layers of the air.. i took in soo much detail todae.. the soft breath of other passengers in the bus i was in.. the details of their skin.. the smell of the grass.. that was lovely if i might add.. the layers of cloud cover.. everything looked soo perfect.. soo right in its place.. todae i too felf my heart beating in my chest.. honestly.. i have never paid too much attention to it.. but i took the time to actually listen to it.. to me.. to my insides.. and it is the most undisputed sound i have ever heard.. nothing compares to this.. i felt my insides lifting.. everything felt warm and light.. like nothing could go wrong.. baby v.. i love this feeling.. i love her.. unknowing to her.. she continues to inspire me.. i dont noe whats going on.. but honestly.. i dont really wanna noe.. cause this feels soo right, how can it ever be wrong.. <3 Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter twenty nine: answers
is it safe yet??hmm... its been a long time since i talked to you baby v... im soo sorry... i didnt mean to keep you out of my life that long... i have legitimate reasons... one... the laptop broke down... preventing me from getting access to the internet.. two... i have a new listening ear now... i've been keeping a diary... like those old school kinds you noe?? on pen and paper.. well book actually... that wae i can talk about my most private thoughts... and feelings... so no one will noe.. cause baby v.. as much as i love talking to you.. you are just too open.. even complete strangers can listen in on us.. somtimes that gets way too creepy... but i wont forsake you.. i promise... and that was the third reason included.. baby v.. my life is messed up right now... maybe that evil dude is right.. he saes that i think wae too much about things.. i over think it.. making things more impossible than they really are.. maybe he is right... maybe i am over thinking it... but you get what im thinking right?? you see the reason for my erratic behaviour.. right?? baby v... i have gotten to a point where my whole world revolves around her.. each decision i make.. she will somehow influence it.. directly or indirectly... baby v... i noe im trying too hard sometimes... but i just cant help not trying.. you noe?? baby v... im lost and soo confused.. because everydae i hope to make her part of my life.. i dont noe what to do... i want answers... but im scared to hear them.. baby v... i guess the evil dude is right again.. im gonna wait... since i want to... it wont be a problem... how long it takes.. im just gonna wait... because i can.. and i am willing to.. because i still love you.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter twenty eight: suicide
hi world..i noe everybody has stopped reading my blog.. some how.. i feel this is a good thing.. ive alwaes wanted all of you to go away.. the world is a huge fucking bitch aint it.. the only constant that can ever be is change.. the irony.. so from all of us who dont want everything to change.. no wait.. scrap that thought... i dont give a fuck about speaking up for anybody anymore.. from me.. and me ALONE.. FUCK YOU WORLD!! p.s. i hate you Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies |