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chapter twenty three: coming clean
words said are promises made..and my word is law. i have one rule.. brothers above girls.. simple enough rite?? yet i fail to stay true to it.. i am sorry.. truly i am.. i didnt mean to keep you all in the dark.. i felt like you wont accept that i have feelings for her.. and that you would hate me for it.. i thought too much of the friendship we have now.. and i dont want her to be the reason we part waes.. cause then, i would hate myself.. and soon i would start hating her.. and i dont want that.. and yes.. i do love her.. a hell lot.. there was a time when i droke down because i tried stopping myself from falling for her.. i tried soo hard.. cause i knew you had feelings for her too.. actually.. i did get to stop liking her.. but i maintained the friendship with her... we just talked and talked.. tried to get along as friends.. then somehow.. we got really close to each other.. and the feelings i used to have.. grew again.. and now its stronger than ever.. i hid everything from you.. because i know it would be hard facing you.. what would i tell you?? what would i say to help you understand.. im sorry i did it.. im sorry i thought i couldnt trust you.. i should have known better.. i am truly sorry.. i will not repeat it.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies poetry in motion: the gift
the shining moonbeyond darkest clouds a masked beauty shying from uncertainty but your smile gives you away bringing colour into a world of grey the shine of ray neath those hazel eyes a promise of love and cherish an oath made through a smile the warmth of your touch as your skin brushes mine like the heat from the rising sun a touch of golden a gentle sensation spreading in perfect even like the moom for mother earth you are for me a gift from God above Labels: cut throat suicide chapter twenty two: too fast!! TOO FAST!! (sequel)
hmm..ok where was i?? ouh dats right.. now it seems everyone noes.. though not everything.. they still know.. but guys.. its deeper than you think.. and i have my reasons for hiding it.. you will understand soon enough.. v.. what should i do?? im scared i have hurt a dear friend.. and you noe i alwaes put friends ahead of girls.. baby v.. im soo confused.. i mean.. im sure of my feelings.. i just aint sure of what to do.. and what to sae to my friends.. maybe i shud just come clean.. hmm.. maybe.. dear God.. give my your guidence protection.. blessing and strength.. i am praying.. hoping.. praying for the best.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter twenty two: too fast!! TOO FAST!!
bang!! bang!! boom!!you are dead fucker.. dats it GAME OVER!! NO restarts.. NO do-overs.. NONE.. its done.. dats it.. move on.. *dingDING* *round two* shit.. its been soo wierd since that fateful dae.. the jig is up.. now everyone noes.. crap.. time's up for me.. baby v.. i promise to tell you more soon ok.. real soon.. take care now.. i've missed talking to you.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies poetry in motion: on bended knees
a thousand apologies for bringing this stressa thousand times i kneel before you.. because of me, you are in this mess.. in this moment i realize i've been neglecting.. shed all responsibilities.. living life chasing sins and material things living like nobody can clip my wings.. taking dollars pushing all blame taking your name squabling it to shame realize only too late the prize worth having is the one thats' God given witness how the world turns black as your light fades away, for the first time you turn your back on bended knees to make you stay.. just one last chance.. even if for just a day.. anything, a thousand times over.. just for you to stay.. Labels: cut throat suicide chapter twenty two: the low down
what a week!!god.. yet another test from you?? or are you trying to shower me with a hidden blessing?? so as we all know... world championships are put on hold.. a sudden abrupt hold if i may add.. i can swear all i want.. and we all noe im fond of swearing and spitting cuss words.. but.. what is the point.. it would just get me and everyone else worked up.. all for nothing.. we aint going.. as simple as that.. its said and done.. well.. maybe we just for now.. no matter.. training still goes on.. the road is long.. and im still not good enough.. we aint good enough.. yet.. we will get it.. im sure.. this is the time we re-route.. and steer our course in the new direction.. medal achievement.. performance excellence.. get it boys?? this will be our new direction.. agree?? of course you do.. what choice do you have.. our lives are interconnected now.. well.. more so now than before.. ok next... would you like to hear a story?? its called.. urm.. pornstar's big fucking mistake!! once upon a time.. pornstar was at a dear sister's party.. he chanced upon a.. urm.. (oh what the hell) look bitch.. you are pushing it.. the next time i see your fat ass.. i will tear it up.. i had enough of you and your fucking mouth.. is this how daddy brought you up?? all that education.. and you still havent learnt the values of life.. shut your pie hole.. cause i really had enough.. you are just like a bug that wont go away.. i thought i wont have to hear any more of you.. but well.. i'll be coming for you.. watch your mouth bitch.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies poetry in motion: because i do
I'll do anything...To have you around.. Just to hold you in my arms... I'll do anything.. To see your sideway smile... Just to wake up looking into your eyes.. I'll do anything... To touch your hand.... Just to have you till the end... Cause I'll do everything... Because I Love You.... Labels: cut throat suicide chapter twenty one: im about to..
my god..this is soo awesome.. hyperon's bady d is super sleek.. its soo pretty... and damn fast too.. now i need to get me one of these.. ok seriously.. i have alot on my plate.. what with the year's major game coming up.. and term tests and quizes.. and i still need time with friends and family.. im all stacked up.. and love.. you still owe me.. i hope you didnt forget.. but our real nemesis is time huh?? haiz.. i'll just wait.. and ouhouh.. i have another song for you.. jesus.. training just got amped up.. 6 dae week now.. not inclusive of club time... and training intensity just wont cut any slack.. god help me with my injuries.. i cant afford to go for another operation.. seriously... i aint got the cash and i aint got the time.. dear god.. cant i win without having to go through too much hell.. please help me.. im nearing the edge.. and i dont want to fall over.. baby.. i love you.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter twenty one: standing orders
holy jesus christ son of mary!!you guys are really making me hate training.. one fucked up rule after another.. standing orders as you would say.. bullshit is what i call it.. seriously.. what the hell is going on... gone were the daes where we look foward to trainings.. daes where training was fun.. daes where we could laugh and and joke.. yet still learn somthing.. now its all about military strictness.. regimental shit.. what are we?? the army?? christ.. we arent even paid!! its not about the money.. no.. but you have to remember that we are so called volunteers.. we signed up willingly for this.. to learn and achieve.. not to be shouted at.. to be criticized.. to be tortured so to speak.. lighten up people.. forcing us is not the wae to go.. believe me.. this old school style will never work on us.. we will keep our peace.. our mouth shut.. out of sheer respect for your age.. and position that you hold in the federation.. but dont test us.. dont test me.. i may worth nothing to you.. but i will spit on your faces.. and i noe you hold your image and dignity in high regard.. amazing how spit can change everything huh?? love.. i need more of your hugs.. it keeps me calm.. helps me forget.. please baby.. help me out.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter twenty one: updates updates
damn!!its been soo long that i updated you baby v.. yes.. i decided to call you, my dear blogg "baby v".. you like it dont you?? im glad you do.. ok soo.. school is super dull.. thank god it seems to fly by everydae.. every lesson last only an hour.. and in that one hour.. i get to learn one topic.. one topic per dae.. sumtimes.. its less than one topic.. but still.. shit is hard.. got to think fast.. or get left behind.. it seems soo competitive.. baby v.. no one seems to care about me anymore.. or at least they dont show it.. and they are hiding it gud.. i long for affection.. i long for the touch of her hand.. you noe how i feel rite?? i love her soo much.. i barely see her now.. i miss her smile.. i miss her.. i miss her hug.. i just miss her soo much.. baby v.. if i miss her soo much.. then why do i abuse her when we do get the chance to meet?? i poke fun at her.. i threaten her.. i call her names.. i deliberately annoy her.. why v.. why?? im such a jackass.. and baby v.. im soo lost now.. i love competing.. i love being out there.. to win... you noe?? but lately.. shit has been hard.. damn hard.. i get knocked down even befor i try pushing myself up.. and i get knocked down hard.. more than half the time.. i wish to leave all this behind.. i question myself.. why i am doing this to myself.. choosing to put myself through hell dae in dae out.. why v?? ive lost my direction.. my purpose.. everything.. i need an outlet.. i need it now.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies |