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The world through my eyes
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poetry in motion: onus
i love you..nothing can tear you away from my heart.. not the hate from the mouths of others.. nor the hate from the rest of the world.. for i love you that much.. soo much that i dont need love from anyone else.. i love you because i do.. because you fill a bigbig space.. in my smallsmall heart Labels: cut throat suicide chapter seven: have you??
i give..its hopeless.. i tried.. i failed.. i am not trying again.. be.. whatever it is.. im just letting it be this time.. have you ever loved sombody.. so much that it makes you cry?? when you try to hold her hand.. she pulls away.. no matter how hard you try.. have you ever loved sumone.. yet you noe it was never meant to be?? for you love another too deeply.. have you experienced a sense of love.. so fast and fiery.. you just want to be burnt by it?? have you loved sumone?? but deep inside.. you noe you have to push her love aside.. to draw a line.. have you ever drawn a line.. suddenly it seems too wide?? but all that is on the other side.. can never be bridged back.. have you ever loved sumone?? but feel you have never loved at all.. to have lost that sense of security.. to have nothing at all.. have you?? noo?? lucky you.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter six: life without you
urgh!!im gonna die!! it will be soon before long.. get it?? noo?? not my problem.. so yes.. life without you has been hard.. then again.. without you in the first place.. i wont be in such a ruined state.. now i cannot help myself.. i hex you.. damn it.. argh!! but i need you soo bad.. im tearing blood that i dont have you by my side.. (exageration, but im just trying to paint you a picture so you can understand better) i am sorry that i abused you when i had you.. simply shared you amongst my friends.. treated you soo cheaply.. now i understand your worth.. the value you hold.. how i cannot afford spending my waking hours without you.. let us be reunited again.. i will be in search of you tomorrow.. give my best effort to obtain you.. just a small part of you would suffice.. just one.. but we al noe that just one will never be enough.. tomorrow.. shall we be together again.. forever.. or at least till i finish you again.. i miss you.. dear smoke-a-du-du.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter six: games and patience
why do you alwaes fail to see??are you surrendering to willful ignorance?? its soo obvious isnt it?? what im trying to tell you.. i-iv-iii then again.. maybe it is my fault.. i indulge myself in mind games.. persistantly forgetting that not everyone thinks like me.. hey im not saying the wae you do and think is wrong.. i just wish you could understand me easier.. why cant i come clean to you.. why cant i just sae what i want.. why am i soo afraid of what might be.. have i become that which i truly detest?? to crumble at the state of paranoia.. alas, a weakling.. a loser.. have i not been known to take risks?? to dive head first at any given situation.. to speak my mind.. insensitive to the feelings of thers.. why this now?? why am i stalling?? hesitations.. confusions.. showing signs of weakness.. afraid.. this is it baby.. make or break.. a test of your heart.. i-iv-iii Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter five: up next we have..
lets proceed..to give you what you need.. *music on* soo life has been a breeze.. no fuss.. no worries.. maybe i have grown up.. i find it easier to let go of things now.. not you though.. thinking of losing you makes me weak.. call me a wuss.. but i knoe im fighting for what i think is worth.. but yes.. i have gotten over things quickly.. and new things seem to develop quicker.. as i let go.. i am being pulled in.. get it?? noo?? idiot.. RAWR!! question of the dae.. why do you ladies alwaes over analyze?? why do you take things soo seriously?? paranoid beings.. lighten up.. take life as it is.. guys would alwaes sae things to make you feel special.. but that dont mean you are.. right?? i might sound mean.. but you knoe in saying it as it is.. again.. stop over analyzing.. why are we alwaes trying soo hard to impress?? Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter five: bow out
hi babies..i have decided.. i am going away from your lives.. going away.. but i'll never leave you.. im sorry for all the nasty things i've said.. all the teasing.. all the practical jokes.. the tickling.. poking.. hand holding.. hugging.. etc etc.. i have done too much damage oreadi.. the things i do.. has started showing signs of destruction.. to your lives.. as well as mine.. i love sumone soo deep.. sumtimes it hurts.. but that sideward smile on your lips.. takes all the pain away.. to my babies.. im sorry.. i just dont wish to get caught up in anything else anymore.. i dont need extra issues.. im having a hard time dealing with the ones at hand.. most importantly.. i dont want to hurt anyone.. especially you.. i cant bear to see you cry.. before its too late now.. this is my final good bye.. baby dont ask me why.. i just dont want to go back to yesterdae.. where i almost lost my true.. baby just try to understand.. that im finally trying to be a man.. to hold true to my promise... to end playing nookie.. baby try to understand.. i wasnt playing you, a fool.. forgive me.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter four: homo-thoughts
lesbian-ism..i've been hearing that word alot lately.. since ndp.. hm.. is it the in thing now?? to (sexually) love your own gender?? dont get me wrong.. i enjoy watching lesbans in action... the whole girl-on-girl thing is a killer!! but thats like when im watching porn.. seeing it first hand is kinda freaky.. real freaky.. almost intimidating.. like what happened to all the guys?? is there a severe shortage of decent good looking guys?? hello!! what is wrong with you pussy-licking pussies?! andand it gets a hell lot worse.. when i found out that a "friend" of mine.. confessed to another "friend" that SHE loved HER.. JESUS CHRIST!! that just freaked me out lah.. i dunno why.. i thought i was ok with the whole lesbian thing.. but.. guess i thought wrong.. rawr!! (this is pronounced raa-urr in case u asswipes might wonder.. peace!!) andand did any of you know that gay guys are the luckiest when it comes to women?? why the blazing hell didn't anybody tell me?? like on the real.. they get to noe all the best women around.. sexy, busty, gorgeous big bootied women.. not only do they get to noe them.. the get like real close with them.. andand these "gift-from-god" women.. feel least shy around gays.. the lucky bastards get to witness the women strip and all that.. !! (what-the-hell-expression) i noe.. haiz.. WHY!! Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter four: dawn of a new era
rain clouds finally partletting through a beam of sunshine a single drop of golden ray.. to you unthankful bastards it may seem a pathetic gesture.. i sae, it is worth the weight of the earth in gold.. yes.. it means that much to me.. for it is a sign of better things to come.. my one shiny bright STAR has shown.. i **** you.. (insert any four lettered word you wish) anywae.. back to serious blogging ladies and dicks.. can i get your attention please?? enlighten me.. what is it that you get out of being a "player" and a "hoe" sexual pleasure?? at what expense?? or whose rather.. is it worth the risk?? can u afford the risk?? are u sure?? didnt think soo.. for the dicks.. so what is it that you get?? other than getting your nutsack polished.. does it grant you bragging rights?? do u really go for such wispy pleasures?? how pathetic can you be.. for the umm.. ladies.. (though i very much doubt the term fits you) how does it feel being "handled" by too many people.. have you noo dignity?? no self respect?? tsk tsk.. now.. have you heard the phrase.. birds of a feather, flock together?? thank god for that.. or we'd all get rotting pussies and washed up dicks by our wedding nite.. Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter three: my struggle
dae in dae outi twist and turn rolled in the sands.. sprinting out of the waves as they crash mercilessly against my knees and thighs constantly threatening to push me over.. though a sign of the odds stacked against me.. as the tide pulls back into the seas.. my spirit and strength goes with it.. testing how much longer i can fight and resist constant nagging loud bosting from around shrinking me eating me from the inside oh.. i soo wish to prove others wrong to show myself better than them i am but to weak to even stand on my own feet let alone push them out of my face.. am i that insignificant?? am i worth soo little?? am i more of a hype than i would like to think?? am i all talk-and-no-show?? a fluke?? a fugly fluke?? am i that ignorant of others' mockery?? that i continue to shame myself.. show my weakness repeatedly.. and give others room to make muse of me.. why does this have to be?? why do i alwaes fail to see?? why do i bury holes only to dig deeper ones.. those more deadly.. many a time i tried telling you but the harder i try to make you see.. the worse it gets for me.. sumtimes i love you, at times i don't but i do countless times i confessed how much i loved you.. yet you remain quiet pretending not to understand, how much i want you never knowing how much it shatters my heart.. to see you let others compete for the prize that is you.. when you know none of them will keep true.. yet you know of the faith in my heart.. a thousand times over i'd relive the wait for you.. if only you could look into my heart you'd see how much i love you how you'd see it bleed.. everytime you run away.. running for the fear of being hurt again.. as of past love.. scars running soo deep.. that would seem never to fade.. will winning change anything?? would you accept me then?? a nod of acknowledgement would do.. a pat on the back.. a kiss between the eyes.. is that too much to ask?? Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter three: my serenade
tonite is when i fall for youall over again, as if this feeling is sumthing new all over again, as if we just met.. new found friends that will forever stay true all over again, as if it's the dae you took my breath away all over again, as if it's the first dae i started to all over again, as if it's the dae i realised i'd alwaes want to hold you all over again, as if it has been me and you because it has alwaes been you a thousand times over, because i love you Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter two: modern marvels
you people really make me wonderwhat goes on in that head of yours.. what makes you tick.. what makes you soo bloody stupid.. and yet you have the guts to sae dat i am stupid.. to diss me.. thank your stars you were born girls.. id have squared off with you had it been otherwise.. asswipes why do you act soo.. umm.. (for choice of better word) cheaply.. yes.. why are you soo cheap?? but yet you cannot accept it when called a bitch or a slut.. i mean.. face it.. that is how you behave.. it seems the best word (choice words) to paint a portrait of you... (insert name) the bitch (insert name) the slut come now.. how old are you again?? nownow.. im not judging you by our age.. older people should not be given right to be bitches nor sluts too.. but look at yourself.. at such a tender age.. are you sure you oreadi want to be exposed to such negative images?? to be named such?? again look at yourself.. physically look.. you dont even have boobs yet.. they are just starting to bud.. and you behave like you are selling sex.. and when some idiot eventually has sex with you.. and sumthing goes wrong.. you start pointing the finger at the party with the dick.. is this fair?? is this just?? if you pussy-wagers didnt sell yourself like that.. "problems" wont come homing in on you.. blame yourselves.. you hold the right to grant passage.. if anything goes amiss.. it shud be on you.. and this does not mean the male counterpart gets to scott off free... you blind dicks should equally be blamed.. (note the key word "equally") what do you see in this girls?? and dont sae free meat.. that is just down right low.. you wankers should noe better.. is stupidity becoming a pandemic among girls of present?? is sex the only wae to get decent guys?? (if you think you get decent guys through sex appeal you have another thing coming) what has become of you?? Labels: for use of better word, pornstar dailies chapter two: my one wish
honestyhigh in demand low in delivery why is it that we take shit for granted we mock and spit at the faces of those who fail to keep to their word if we are soo demanding of others aint it only fair that we give the same honesty to others then why do we alwaes fail to do such?? to demand and dictate but get furious when the cards are played against us.. asswipes.. sincerity is this too, too much to ask for?? is it such a chore?? does it take you to muster every ounce of strength to provide such a simple request?? whimp.. but why fucktart?? why cant you.. any of you.. be sincere, being my friend.. must you alwaes stand to gain from me?? can you cheap-bastards be less self-important for once in your life?? is it too much too ask?? do i look like rags to you?? to be used and wanted only when in need.. to be left out and alone in other times.. i dont need sympathy.. i need your sincerity.. dont lie to me.. dont use me.. just dont!! just do me a huge fucking favour and stay away from me.. i dont need you around to spoil my dae.. i have plenty of that oreadi.. so if you want to be friends, for benefits.. fuck off.. just fuck off asshole!! i oreadi have soo little faith in friendship.. and you are wearing it thin.. dont rob me of this trust i have i beg of you.. leave now and never come back.. Labels: pornstar dailies chapter two: stop, play and pause
limitsa state of confinement preventing ''over-achievement'' or in some cases, just preventing from any form of achievement sad life if you are part of group two.. this has been a mad week.. damn tired.. but the madness makes me happy.. though im worn out thin.. suffering from a dislocated elbow and a twisted ankle.. (i dont blame you bro.. dont worry) i enjoy this week most.. hey i said it before.. enjoyment is personal.. call me wierd.. but i love being (physically) hurt or if it involves a risk of being hurt if im not complaining.. why should you be fussing.. i may be wierd.. but you are mainstream.. a good-for-nothing no-life wannabe punk-assed son-of-a-bitch but you noe what.. be like dat.. if i ask you to step out of your ''social circle'' out of the life that other people dictate you to live.. to be an individual.. to live your own life.. it would simply be too much for you.. soo.. just remain the wae you are now.. common and boring.. it suits you better.. i guess the winds are not in my sails again.. why does it seem that everytime we make a connection.. sumthing, sumhow, sumwhere.. keeps us apart.. even if it is a short while.. i would feel the silence.. i am not soo saddened by this short pause.. for i have this feeling that it would actually help bring us closer together.. absence makes the heart grow fonder rite?? let's see.. Labels: pornstar dailies chapter one: my name is..
names..we are so apt at naming things.. our posessions.. loved ones.. and even things that dont belong.. why?? does it make us superior.. smarter?? but.. the issue i am trying to put across.. is not to justify our naming habits.. i simply want to noe if it really matters what others call us?? do we become what others call us?? if i call you an asshole.. will u turn into one?? if you do.. (you fucking liar) please do call me.. id want to see you squeezing and expanding as crap falls out of you.. seriously.. nownow.. dont get me wrong.. me saying this does not mean you get to call me undesired names.. well.. you can if you want.. justify your reasons and i will let you.. just noe that i wont make it easy for you.. even if i accept your reasons.. am i evil?? many people seem to think soo.. i agree to a certain extent... i mean.. looking back on things i've done to others.. i feel the need to agree.. i laugh when others are in agony or in a state of frustration.. when others fall (literally and figuratively) i cant help but to laugh.. but on the plus side.. i am unbiased.. i dont pick and choose who i laugh at.. i laugh at strangers.. at close friends.. even at loved ones.. id sae "at those i hate" but i dont hate people.. it is such a sinful act: hating sumone once said this about me.. "you (meaning me in case you idiots are soo dense) are the songs that summer sings and the chills that autumn brings" summing me up in one sugar-coated sentence.. another had this to sae.. "soo you are a monster with a heart after all" which somewhat meant the same thing.. many names i have been called.. some makes me smile ear-to-ear (though not necessarily possitive names) others that lead to fights.. but whatever i have been named and called.. i tried keeping an open mind.. soo.. what is your name?? Labels: pornstar dailies chapter one: hopes and prayers
dear godwhy does thou test me such have i scorned thee with such intensity?? dear god.. lighten up ok.. im starting to get worn out if what people sae is true that god only test us with that we can take.. that which is within our will and strength then god must think that i am goliath i just hope i can match god's benchmark dear god please dont regard my complaints as forgetting the gifts you have showered me i realize that you have given much unto me.. and my requests of you still continue to pile up yet you continue to constantly give and grant for that i love you i realize that your tests are meant to gauge my heart and faith to you for i ask too much sumtimes.. but its ok right?? you knoe what i want.. dear god.. waiting is soo hard sumtimes.. especially when soo many things can go wrong.. when there are soo many temptations around and you knoe i am one to give in to the devil what do i do god?? be my guide while i seek my star.. clear my mind off doubt and open my heart.. Labels: pornstar dailies chapter one: i am..
the dae after NDPsoo ndp went smooth.. or at least i think soo lah.. but thats not what i want to blog about.. i can rant all i want abt ndp.. but then it would be boring.. whats the point rite?? moving on thinking abt it.. i will miss the people im soo used to seeing every week yes.. the faggots get on my nerves alot.. with their petty quesions and constant complaints.. but there are few who i have taken liking to.. not emotionally nor sexually like on a friendly basis.. honest.. people might sae that it is impossible for me.. to make friends.. for the genuine sake of friendship.. not taking any form of interest in them.. what the fuck.. do i look like i have my brains on my dick?? wait.. shit.. dont answer that.. soo yeah.. i think im gonna miss having ndp everyweek.. but as everyone noes.. time will take away everthing.. all the memories the details the emotions shared that seems soo important now.. will all be soo distant soo yesterdae.. time.. what an ass.. takes as much as it gives.. never one to give in no second chance.. no re-takes no do-overs.. its alwaes now-or-never do-or-die why must everything be in such a rush.. nothing ever seems to blossom at our will.. its either too soon or too late.. if you are too late.. you are an asshole.. if you are too early.. by god, you better have patience.. sit and wait for god is with those who wait rite?? if it is worth having it is worth waiting for.. and i will wait.. cause you are worth it.. .."3 years or more".. what kind i was asked "what kind of person i am" thinking back now.. i have one word to answer that liar!! yes.. i am a bloody liar.. i hate to admit it.. but i noe it is true.. not obsessively though.. but i do tend to lie.. i tend to make myself bigger den who i really am.. alwaes trying to give the political right answer.. trying too hard to impress.. but.. i cannot help it.. look im not trying to justify anything.. but i believe that everything happens for a reason.. and this is mine.. i am a people pleaser.. a yes man.. even if it kills me.. id try my best to sae yes to you.. for any favour.. need my help.. i wont turn you away.. that is the wae i am.. and how ive alwaes been.. sumtimes.. i dont even noe why i help others out.. "yes'' just escapes my mouth.. i am quick to promise.. but i am a man of my word.. i might lie to your face.. but rest assured that i will keep my promises.. contradicting.. right?? wrong!! see.. it refers to two totally different things.. i lie to make myself bigger (more impressive if you must) but i never lie about doing things i cannot.. i pride myself in this.. i "walk-the-talk" soo.. answering the question.. what kind of person am i.. i now answer that i am the word worthy liar.. go figure.. Labels: pornstar dailies prologue
first off!!i'd like to apologize.. i have done that which i said i will never do.. i created a blog.. i hate bloggers.. (except for cayenne, for you are alwaes loved.. tequiero, what would i do without you.. teaser, my new found love.. and few other beings who will be mentioned and credited in due time, though you think you are insignificant in my life, you actually complete it, i love you) they are ALL so self-important come on, admit it.. bloggers are people who "pen" their thoughts and voices pretending that others give a bloody fuck what they ("we" as of now) think or want to sae we (i admit this now) rant and whine as though the entire universe revolves around us.. we (see im doing it again) are soo trapped in our own little bubble.. that we "publicly" voice our thoughts via blogs.. ironic isn't it.. being soo vocal and upfront yet still soo trapped in ourselves.. it's a sad life.. let's face it!! truth is.. nobody gives a shit.. till the blogger start diss-ing them (at a personal level) den it starts getting ugly.. hate tagging and all that shit.. screw you all.. if u don't like what people sae about you.. shut your ears or just stay out of their faces.. if you are soo afraid of being rejected by the masses.. dont even step out from mommy's pits.. stay there.. she will keep you safe (and warm) from the big bad wolf.. ouh.. and as a warning.. this shud be the one and only post u read if u cannot accept what i sae and what i have to sae.. i am mean.. (so i have been told) offhandedly.. im telling you asswipes to save yourselves from me.. not that im soo high and mighty that i can crush u with my pinkie.. noo.. but i have been known to be quick tongued and insensitive to "YOUR" feelings.. bite me.. RAWR!! till chapter one starlust "monster" pornstar Labels: pornstar dailies |